Q: “How do I get my seven-year-old to eat a variety of foods? My daughter has her six or seven "agreeable" foods, and she refuses all other foods. Should I see a professional about this? I can't seem to coax her into even trying foods she doesn't consider agreeable. My three-year-old loves all types of food, as do my husband and I.” - Mum of two
A: Some children can become very picky and narrow-minded when it comes to food. They have a short list of the foods that they will eat and refuse to try other foods. Mealtimes can become a battleground where you, as the parent, have spent time preparing the meal, and when they stubbornly refuse to even try a nibble, you either give up or become fixated on trying to make them eat it. Either way, you usually end up frustrated.
There is, however, another way. Firstly, I would double-check how your child is doing when it comes to the weight and height charts and make sure they are on track. If they are underweight, the strategies are similar but different. If the weight is okay, I suggest cutting back to three main meals a day – breakfast, lunch, and dinner. With these meals, the aim is for your child to eat the majority of the meal (your call on what the majority is, not theirs!). Once this is happening, then go back to adding in morning and afternoon tea.
From a nutritional perspective, children regularly eat five times a day, so cutting back to three meals is quite okay. Now make these meals count – make every bite count! So, you choose what is presented at the meal. Remember that you have probably 20+ years of experience than your child, so you have a better idea of what a balanced diet looks like, so you make the choices, not them. Make sure that the food offered is healthy, every bite of it, and is easy to eat for most 7-year-olds. Include a range of fruit, vegetables, yogurts, cheese, cold meat, plain crackers, pasta, mince, eggs, rice, etc.
The next step is behavior. Outline before you start a meal what you expect: that they will sit at the table and eat their dinner. If they do not eat, they remain there while the rest of the family eats, then there is no other food until the next main meal. They do not get an exemption and get to play extra or watch TV. They simply wait and participate in the mealtime. Then follow up with what you say – no food until the next meal. They can have as much water as they like, no milk, no juice, etc., or else they will simply fill up on this instead. Next meal, same plan.
As for your job as a parent, when they take the tiniest bit, be ready and say something like: ‘Oh, good to see you giving the pasta a try’. Aside from that, say nothing, no song and dance, no threatening, no conning. Nothing. Take no notice of ‘not eating’. Only notice ‘eating’. Ignore all complaining, sighing, refusal to eat, dramatics, words to the effect of not liking the meal, or "I don’t eat this." Just stay calm and ignore non-eating behavior. Wait for any sign of trying. When you see it, praise it and include eye contact and smiles. Remember, you are the parent, and you have the knowledge as to what they should and need to eat – not them.
Be patient and consistent in dealing with the behavior. Within a week, you will see big steps towards eating and trying new foods. Of course, do not hesitate to seek out a professional with advice regarding the type of food and how to deal with the behavioral side of not eating so you can get family meal times back on track for you all!
Nicole Pierotti
Originally Published: November 14, 2019
Last Edited: June 7, 2023
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